That Beating Heart

Horseman Mark Rashid writes:
...it is the horse that allows us the opportunity to listen to that beating heart, to feel the ebb and flow, and ultimately, to get back in touch with the spirit that is harmony...
(Nature in Horsemanship, Skyhorse Publishing, pg. 205-06). 

March was a crazy month for me, mainly because the hard drive on my laptop crashed. This led to several weeks of drawn out repairs (ordering a system restore disk, waiting for technicians to fix it, finding out my hard drive was so far gone that all data was lost, re-downloading all my programs/ data onto new hard drive). Then, all this downloading led to exceeding our data limit (bill to come...), so I have been trying to minimize on-line time. I'm still not really caught up from this month of technical difficulties. In short, I've realized how extremely dependent I have become on my laptop: like many, my professional and social life rely on Internet connection and, as a writer, my laptop is also essential to my daily writing/ editing/ brainstorming/ researching routine.

I found it disorienting to not have this connection/ access. I was less productive, grouchy and restless. I also started to make other absent-minded mistakes (lost my keys for two days). 

I have never really consider myself a "tech-dependent" person, but I certainly am! I've realized I am now totally dependent on my computer for what I consider "normal" daily life. I would now rate my laptop as more essential than a working oven (lived without one for the past six months), a television (gone without for years at a time), and probably even items of personal hygiene like a toothbrush (you can always improvise). 

As of today, I think I am totally reconnected: functional computer, Office 2013 installed, and the first day of a new month of our nearly unlimited data plan (which we've never even come close to exceeding in the past). This feels so good! Writing life begin again!

So - is this a long, drawn out explanation for why I have not been blogging? YES! It is also, though, a personal confession of how much technology now influences my thinking, communicating and ability to function. I just hadn't realized!

If there is a connection to horses in all this (and for me there almost always is!), it has to do with the fact that they (thankfully!) can't log in. Facebook will never be an option for communicating with horses (OK, never say never, but highly unlikely). Social media is wonderful and plays a big role in my life now, but I am ever-grateful for the more intuitive, personal, nonverbal, non-image-based communication skills that I practice with horses and try to instill in my riding students on a daily basis.

I can no longer deny my dependence on (and affection for) on-line communications, but I don't want all the communicating in my life to be based on clicking a link or typing a short, quip-y comment. I want to understand and practice a level of communication that involves listening from my heart, processing in my gut and relaying my intentions with empathy, presence and clear signals. Working with horses is the perfect opportunity for practicing nuanced communication skills. 

(I can now report with certainty that the Technical Services Staff at our local Staples would benefit from practicing some of these deeper interpersonal/ communication skills, which interacting with hard drives and system restore disks apparently does not foster...)

It's a grounding and authentic experience to communicate with horses, whether on the ground or in the saddle. As my own life becomes more and more technology-dependant, I am thankful that keeping horses in my life requires me to practice deeper level communication skills. I echo Mark Rashid's perfectly chosen words: the horse "allows us the opportunity to listen to that beating heart."

Because my laptop may have a lot to offer, but it does not have that!

A Look Back...

In Quiet: The Power of the Introvert in a World that Can't Stop Talking, author Susan Cain claims that to discover your larger purpose in life, you should "...think back to what you loved to do when you were a child."  About five years ago, I went through significant career change, and my therapist also asked: "What did you love best when you were a child or adolescent?"  My answer: horses, horses, horses! 

I recently went through some old pictures, and realized I was destined from a very young age to become a horseback riding instructor.  Here they are!

(1) That's me leading (age 13), Kris riding.  I like how Kris is smiling at the camera, but I am completely focused on Sudora (our first horse).  I also like my jeans (where did those come from???) and the fact I'm wearing my helmet - ready to hop on at any moment if needed!   

 

(2) One year later! Sudora and I are at the Southern Rhode Island 4-H Horse Show.  You can see how unlike in the first picture, where I am racing to keep up with Sudora, here she is focused on me and walking in step with me. This concept - keeping a horse attuned through the use of intention, specific body language and personal energy- is the essential skill that we train Volunteer Horse Handlers in therapeutic riding/ EAAT. Somewhere between age 13 and age 14, I learned it well - from my spunky Morgan mare Sudora. She was a great teacher and it's an important skill to have when working with horses (maybe the most important)!

 

(3) This is my first official riding student - MH - on our wonderful Quarter Horse cross gelding, Al (Yes, it was the mid-90s and yes, Al was short for Aladdin... our "diamond in the rough"... making this the first and last time I will name a horse after a Disney character).  MH went to many shows with us and rode in the Lead Line division, winning blue more than once. (I'm proud to say she was often the only competitor who could post! Plus, what a cute pair they were!) That's me leading - not sure if you can see my face clearly enough to realize how seriously I was taking her (our?) success.  But little MH looks pretty serious, too!
 

So, in my case anyway, Susan Cain's advice proved true.  I loved horses as a young teen, and as an adult I become unhappy if I have to go even a few days without being around them. Cain lists two other principles for finding one's important life projects: (1)"pay attention to the work you gravitate towards" and (2)"pay attention to what you envy." Although I only read Cain's book recently, I see how these concepts were also relevant when I was exploring what I most wanted to do with my professional life.