On Horses and Grief

In over twenty years of riding and working with horses, I have met many people who turn to horses during times of grief. I did this, too, after my divorce in 2006.

My life felt so sad and I was bitter. I tried a lot of different things to make myself feel better: exercise and diet; dating; drinking; buying clothing and ranting at and about my ex. Some of these things helped temporarily, but nothing put me back on track to being the person I had been before being consumed by grief and sadness. I used to be funny, fairly happy-go-lucky, direct and I almost always could see the best in people, animals and situations. This was not true for me when I was grieving after the divorce.

When I finally found the courage to return to horses (which I did by attending a volunteer training at High Hopes Therapeutic Riding and subsequently volunteering in program), I finally experienced a little internal shift - a lightening of the grief, a solace in the activity of being around horses.

In the time since, I've met many people who turn to horses and riding for all kinds of reasons (good and bad), and I fairly frequently meet people coming to horses during times of grief or transition. I have some theories about why:

• When you are angry and grieving, there's "something big and alive" inside you. When you work with horses, you have the opportunity to work with something big and alive outside you. There is great relief in this. It is simply a channeling of energy away from a persistent, internal, negative force to an equally powerful, external, inspiring one. There's a lot of momentary relief and comfort in that experience. Ideally, it brings one present.
• Many horses have a presence that inspires solace. They are large and they are flight animals but they choose to stand beside us; enjoy our company. It makes one feel less alone.
• When you are making an internal life transition (through loss or change), it is powerful to ride. Riding is all about physical balance, transitions and forward momentum. Riding can take the body through this; often, it translates to the soul. Riding can be an incentive to embrace change and forward movement, to see these elements in the light of  positive adventure, which riding should be.

So grateful for the horses in my life and all that they've taught me over these past years.
Okay, enough deep thoughts for a Monday morning! Thanks for reading!

20 Hours of Professional Development: Part 2 Saddle Fitting

As a PATH Intl. Instructor, I am required to complete a minimum of 20 hours of Continuing Education each year. I have to submit an Instructor Compliance form to PATH Intl., listing my hours and what I did. As I completed my form this spring, I realized it's kind of a shame that the professional development compliance requirement is just a list. It seems like to take something away from these professional development experiences - and learn something - there should be a reflective component. So, over the next few blog entries, I'm going to reflect on my three biggest "take away points" from some of my own Continuing Ed experiences this past year.... 

5 Hours: Saddle Fitting

I was fortunate to attend two Saddle Fitting In-Services this year, one out in the Seattle area and one here in South Carolina. I learned so much from the generous professionals who gave these lectures/demonstrations (and took pages and pages of notes), so to sum up what I learned about the complex subject of saddle fitting in just 3 points is difficult!

However, since I've tasked myself with summing up the 3 main points I took away from these saddle fitting in-services, I will focus on the key messages that both professional imparted:

1. Everyone who rides, trains and works with horses in any discipline or capacity needs to stay aware of and be vigilant about saddle fit, which can constantly change as the horse is conditioned, gains or loses weight, ages, etc. It should become instinctual to think about the fit of the saddle: Horse bucking? Rearing? Refusing to go forward willingly? Seem grumpy? Girthy? Not standing still for mounting? All of these problems can stem from an uncomfortable tack fit and it's always important to eliminate this as the cause of negative behaviors! (I remember someone saying, asking a horse to go in a saddle that doesn't fit well is like asking a human to go hiking in uncomfortable high heels that pinch at the toe or to carry a heavy back pack with the edges of a book digging into your spine!)
2. If possible, it's always best to have a professional saddle fitter evaluate the tack, at least once or twice a year. In between visits with a trained professional, it's important to check that the saddle sits level, clears the withers and spine and fits/ is positioned to allow plenty of room for the shoulder to move. Those are just a few checkpoints to look out for on regular basis.
3. Finally, materials and condition matter! While it isn't necessarily important to have the most expensive, trendy saddle available, it is important to find out what your saddle is made of, and especially, what your saddle is flocked with (stuffed with). Wool is the best material for flocking and will provide the most comfortable ride for the horse. It's important that the saddles be re-flocked regularly and inspected for tears, wear and damage, especially when being used in a busy program environment where a saddle might have 20 or more rides a week. 

Saddle fitting can be intimidating to those of use who are not extensively trained in this vocation, but what I have learned from attending these two in-services is that even with some basic knowledge and training, it becomes much easier to develop an eye (and feel) for the differences between a really bad fit and a decent fit. A professional can then often help determine a decent fit and a really good fit. 

Another point that I found really interesting (and I know I promised just 3) is how important it is to actually see the tack in motion (while the horse is going on the lunge line and then being ridden) in order to make a final determination about whether a saddle fits well. In a really interesting demo at one of the in-services, we watched a mare get lunged with a saddle that didn't fit her (she stayed hallow and refused to round her back) and then switched the tack and saw her go in a saddle that did fit (she fairly quickly lowered her head, looked more relaxed, rounded her back a little and her tail started to swing gently).

In any case, attending these in-services has brought saddle fit to the forefront of my mind and it's something I now look at more carefully and with a more informed view!

Blogging from Bed

Yes, the title is provocative! But, for better or worse, this blog continues to just be about horses, teaching and the field of Equine Assisted Activities & Therapies. I am "blogging from bed" because for the past two weeks I've been fighting exhaustion, illness and mild depression. 

Symptoms of the End of Session Blues.

Most dedicated teachers I know have experienced this phenomenon... You come to the end of a school year, semester or program session. Your students have excelled. Your horses (if applicable) have inspired, taught, tolerated and performed beyond even your own expectations for them. You have provided grades, evaluations or even just the verbal "ringside" progress reports common in my field. Maybe you've gone to a horse show or hosted a demonstration - showing off all those great skills and accomplishments that your riders have worked so hard to achieve.

It's a wonderful, wonderful, BUSY time. 

And then it's over, suddenly and without much transition, and you are "on break." For me, this is when it always sets in - End of Session Blues. Often, the symptoms are a scratchy throat, leading to a full blown cold or flu. ("Great," I'll chastise myself, "You finally have some down time and now you are sick!!!") Sometimes, the symptom may include ennui - this deep boredom that cannot be permeated - the need to sit listlessly, watching endless Jane Austen movies or Golden Girls reruns while eating too many bags of microwave popcorn. Other times, there might be a pervasive restlessness (characterized by lack of concentration even for "comfort television"), the knowledge that there are lots of little things to attend to (blog entries to write, bills to pay, instructor annual compliance forms to complete) but utter lack of motivation to even start on any of them. There is sometimes even this weird guilt ("I have all this time now, shouldn't I be doing something???") Occasionally, there will be an emotional "fit" - crying over nothing, freaking out over small things and releasing the tension of that busy end-of-semester time (thankfully, neither my husband nor my dog tell tales).

So, am I overly neurotic? (Likely.) Or is this just the aftermath of a teaching job well done? I think it is probably a combination of the two, the letdown after the emotional high of coaching students on horseback towards achievements that surprise them, their loved ones and even me. It should be a time of reflection, professional development or rest, but for me "End of Session" is often a time of residual stress, a little sadness and physical exhaustion. This morning, though, I am "blogging from bed" - a good sign that the neurotic End of Session Blues are coming to an end... the return of productive energy and wellness, professional motivation and joy.

 

Hipsimo: Part II of Ride to Exercise or Exercise to Ride?

I received several interesting suggestions about exercise options for riders, but one of my favorite suggestions came from PATH Intl. Therapeutic Riding and Interactive Vaulting Instructor, Anja Cain. Anja shared her "Hipsimo" with me and, let me say, this is my kind of exercise!

Her what? Her Hipsimo!

Basically, a Hipsimo is "motion chair" that one can use to stretch hips and spine with deliberate exercises. Alternatively, one can just sit on it while working at a desk or watching TV and, because the round seat is "unstable," it requires the sitter to gently but constantly engage the core muscles to maintain balance. (Yes, I am working my abs even as I type this blog entry!)

And, no, this is not an infomercial for the Hipsimo. Though I am impressed with this very cool product, I think that one could probably attain many of these benefits from sitting on an inflatable balance ball while typing, chatting on the phone or watching TV. (Passive exercise - I love it!)

The Hipsimo was developed in Germany (name comes from Hips - In - Motion) and is used as an office chair, therapeutic tool and in training for sports, especially by equestrians. The point of sitting on the Hipsimo (as opposed to a regular chair) is to develop stable core muscles (abs and back), with flexible hip joints. This is exactly the exercise goal/ concept I wrote about last week (quoting equestrian/ Pilates instructor Janice Dulack).

The version that Anja has ("Hipsimo On the Go") can be placed on any flat surface and put to instant use. I set it on a chair and sat on it for about five minutes, stretching my hip joints down, from side to side, and from front to back (again similar to how you might on a balance ball). I stretched my shoulders, neck, upper spine and lower back and heard a lot of crunching and cracking. The balance challenge on a scale of 1 - 10 was probably about a 2 (again, my kind of exercise!). When I stood up to walk away, I stepped forward with my right hip and heard a crunching crack-pop in my lower back on the right side; stepped forward on the left and the same thing happened there.

I love the idea of incorporating the Hipsimo into my life, just sitting on it while working or using it for stretching before riding. (Anja keeps hers at the barn and has also used it as an unmounted tool for instructing riders in how to weight their seat bones evenly or find neutral spine.)

As I've thought about the concepts of core stability and hip flexibility this week, I have also found myself watching riders of all levels and abilities differently with these ideas in mind. If you think about it, this physical requirement for riding (stable core, flexible joints) is also a wonderful metaphor for emotional resiliency: the "core stability" to be true to one's self and purpose; the major "hip joint flexibility" needed to absorb and "go with" the forward impulsion and movement of one's life.

According to none other than the great Sally Swift (founder of Centered Riding): "Increased body awareness gives you a greater awareness of your inner self as well as your surroundings. Changing your [physical/riding] habits will cultivate an ability to make clearer choices: a balanced body permits a balanced state of mind.” I like the idea that what we learn about physical balance while riding can translate to a balanced mental state, expanding cognitive, emotional and even spiritual stability, flexibility and resiliency. 

Ride to exercise, or exercise to ride?

Horseback riding is a fantastic exercise for many people because it intrinsically provides a light, whole-body work out. Sitting on a horse requires the rider to balance through the core muscles, both front and back, and maintain that balance while in dynamic motion. Different gaits of the horse provide varied input (working diverse muscles), as do varied terrain (i.e. uphill/downhill) and activities (i.e. posting trot vs. sitting). Riding also works inner leg muscles, which are often difficult to access through other sports, and requires a "whole body awareness/ engagement," similar to that needed for yoga, stand-up paddle boarding or martial arts.

As those of us trained to teach therapeutic riding know, horseback riding also has a positive effect on muscle tone: riding a quiet, rhythmic horse tends to increase tone in flaccid muscles, but magically, it also tends to "normalize" tone in muscles that are too tight. This is part of what makes riding a valuable exercise for many people, but in particular for those with disabilities where muscle tone is affected: cerebral palsy, multiple sclerosis, Down Syndrome, and others.

Riding is not particularly aerobic, so it doesn't generally lead to weight loss directly, but it can be a great motivator for staying fit. Riders know we'll be asking our horses to carry our weight, so it is in their best interest, as well as ours, to keep trim/ in reasonable shape.

Having said all this, I admit that I slack in the physical fitness element of preparation for riding. I'm great at preparing intellectually to ride (I study equestrian theory and participate in lessons and clinics whenever I can!). I also believe deeply in preparing emotionally and spiritually to ride - we are after all, asking another living being to serve us under saddle and that's a huge responsibility. Being in the right frame of mind and heart is critical to ensure the well-being of horse and rider.

However, I listen to my friend L. talk about doing P90X to increase her fitness for dressage and while I admire her dedication, I inwardly just cringe. Not this girl. No exercise programs that involve a code name - can't do it.

(I am also the person who tried South Beach Diet for a day but fell off the wagon by convincing myself mayonnaise was a "healthy fat.")

Basically, I don't like prescribed exercises or diet and I have a hard time thinking of myself as an "athlete" even though I do make my living, at least in part, by participating in equestrian sport and coaching others to do so.  (My bad self-esteem, and subsequent lack of motivation, with physical activity likely goes back to the fifth grade, when I was both the tallest - 5'4" - and heaviest -125 lbs. - child in my elementary school. Our tan, hunking gym teacher Mr. G. used to stand above me during 'warm-up' and coach/ comment as I tried to lift my already womanly body out of what he called a 'girl pushup' (knees on the ground). "Somebody has not been practicing their push-ups," he would taunt, looking down. His words (oh-so-true!) have stayed with me. I didn't practice push ups then and I don't practice them now.)

But as usual, in my riding life, a horse comes along to push me to become better. Recently, I've taken a series of dressage lessons on what is probably the most athletic, conditioned horse I have ever ridden. He is highly trained in dressage, well beyond my skill level, and it has been both a privilege and exciting experience to feel his powerful stride, to try to comprehend the level of precision to which he's been trained.

One of the biggest challenges for me in riding this horse has been sitting his enormous trot. I struggle to absorb the impulsion through my core and am often sore in my hips, especially the right one, for days to follow. I do have the distinct impression that if I were fitter - specifically stronger and leaner through my core - sitting this trot would be easier for me. In other words, it might partly be a skill factor or just a need for practice and patience, but there is definitely a physical fitness component that I could work on during the time I am not on the horse.

Coincidentally, an article called "A Better Sitting Trot" by Pilates instructor Janice Dulack appeared in this month's Dressage Today. Confirming my suspicions about core strength, Dulack writes: "The junction of the spine meeting the pelvis at the lower back must be stabilized while the hip joints at the bottom of the pelvis must be mobile. If a rider has tight hips, the lower back inevitably takes all the motion of the moving horse..." Yes, that sounds about right, and ouch!, my lower back confirms daily it has been taking more than it's share of the motion...

Dulack continues, "To avoid this, the rider must learn to stabilize the joint at the top of the pelvis (lower back) with the abdominal muscles... [then] the hip joints at the bottom of the pelvis can  become the shock absorbers while riding."

Dulack's description resonates: I can easily recognize that I do brace through my lower back when I try to sit a dynamic trot and that is likely because I need to do two things: (1) increase core strength so that my back is stabilized and (2) loosen my hip joints through stretching and increased flexibility. I am going to make these two fitness goals a priority over the coming months, along with (3) the desire to just increase my general overall fitness, hoping to become a more "athletic" rider.

So... I am on a quest, looking for ways to work these three physical fitness goals into my weekly routine, with - obviously - as little real effort as possible! I know it may sound lazy, but I'm just being realistic. If I start some crazy exercise effort, I just won't stick with it. For me to become more physically fit for riding, the program will have to be time efficient, relatively easy to execute and I'll have to see results.

Please comment below if you have suggestions for a fitness program (off the horse) that has worked for you and improved your riding, whether it's geared specifically to riding or not. I will report back here on the blog if anything works well for me! Thanks in advance for any suggestions!

Thoughts at the end of a good week...

When I became a certified PATH Intl. Therapeutic Riding Instructor, I expected my life to change (it did, but in none of the ways I expected). I thought I would spend my days experiencing the magic of horses and helping people. I thought doing so would be mainly fun and easy.

In actuality, it is rarely easy, mostly fun and often profound. That was what I don't think I expected. I thought teaching therapeutic riding would be more of a "hobby-job," not necessarily the soul-touching, heart-wrenching, colossally inspiring, mind-body-spirit work that it actually is. I underestimated the challenge, but I also underestimated how fulfilling it can be.

Before becoming certified in 2009, I had been teaching for years in more traditional settings - classrooms and tutoring "labs." I liked teaching, but I would not often have described it as profound.

I think that was because I hadn't found my "medium." Horses, teaching riding, did that for me - I found it. I like teaching in general, but I love teaching people (with or without disabilities) about horses and riding because I feel like I am tapping into something of my own essence and sharing it with others. Because of the innate biofeedback that the horses give both me and my students, it is often profound for me in a way that teaching in the classroom was not.

There are some very hard weeks: weather is bad, students have setbacks, physical exhaustion, center politics. But for the most part, I just feel so freaking lucky - so wildly fortunate - to do what I do. 

On a good week, it might look something like this:

• The dressage lessons I've been taking to improve my own riding kick in and I have a breakthrough ride and feel great physically and spiritually.
• One of my therapeutic riding students does something that exceeds my expectations. (This week it was L. taking complete control of her horse at the walk and trot and posting her way around the large arena, when three weeks ago she wasn't yet posting the trot at all.)
• There are informal conversations around the barn, with volunteers or "able-bodied" students, where someone reveals a fear or awe they've always had for horses, how they've overcome it or tapped into respectively, and how that unique sense of empowerment carries over into daily life.
• A horse I've been working with - believed in - comes into program in a way that is meaningful and authentic for me and that honors both her nature and potential. 

On a good week, it feels like all I've ever wanted to do. On a good week, I remember that horses inspire us to be better humans.

I don't want to glorify our profession, because it's not always, well, glorious. But, I am so grateful for the chance to participate in the world of Equine Assisted Activities & Therapies because when it's good, it's good. 

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